


Masquerade

by ValkerieRupert



Series: Autistic Steven Universe Headcanons [4]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Autism, Autism Spectrum, Autistic Garnet (Steven Universe), Autistic Pearl (Steven Universe), Autistic Ruby (Steven Universe), Autistic Sapphire (Steven Universe), Autistic Sardonyx (Steven Universe), Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2019-05-06 20:16:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14655396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ValkerieRupert/pseuds/ValkerieRupert
Summary: Sardonyx has an interview with a human man."I am high-functioning because I need to be."





	Masquerade

The great Sardonyx is here! Ah, I hear you wish to find out about Pearl and Garnet's inner feelings? Well, you've come to the right place. Fusion is perfect for questions such as this- it allows the fusion to get a fresh and objective perspective on the problem. So, what are Garnet and Pearl like?

  
Spoiler alert: It's all fake.

I don't know why you're acting surprised. Garnet, well, let's say she certainly isn't that stoic on the inside.I mean, just look at Ruby and Sapphire! Ruby's full of emotions, and Sapphire must be feeling something, what with all the futures she sees. As much as I'd like to have five eyes like Sugilite, I must say that I haven't inherited anything terribly useful from Sapphire. I gained her gem, full lips and poofy sleeves, but not an ounce of future vision. Perhaps it would be different if I didn't have Pearl's gem where Sapphire's eye would be.

No, Sapphire is an illusion. She's not as emotionless as she seems. She pretends she can't feel, but let me tell you, she can. What does she feel: I'll give you a clue: She can see the future. Which means that for every bad thing that has happened to us, she knew it was going to happen and didn't know what to do about it.

It's terrifying.

Why does she maintain the illusion? Well, there's the real surprise. Because it's easy. That sounds ridiculous at first, doesn't it? But then think about it: If you have to find the area of your bedroom floor to get new carpets, then after you've measured the length and the width, do you find the area using a calculator or a sheet of paper and a pencil?

The answer varies. If it's fairly simple math, you're good at math and your only calculator is the crap one on your phone which is in the other room, you might work it out yourself. If you're terrible at math, you're working with big numbers and you conveniently have a calculator on the table right in front of you, you'll probably use the calculator. Either way, there is a rule: You do what is easier.

When you're autistic, it can be very easy to hide your feelings because your face just doesn't naturally contort itself in the same way as other gems and people when you're upset. Your tone of voice doesn't naturally change; you have to do that yourself when you're upset so that others won't assume you're lying, and you always feel guilty about it because you think you're faking it.

But being autistic can also make it very hard to tell people how you feel. Your face and tone of voice don't naturally do what they're supposed to do when you're upset, so others will assume you can't really be upset. You don't naturally have the required social skills to know how to explain things. Sometimes you don't even know what you're feeling, only that it's bad. And that's assuming your voice doesn't give up on you every time you try to talk about it.

So, think about it. You don't naturally 'look' upset enough for people to ask what's wrong. Trying to tell them about your problems without them asking (and even with them asking, in most cases) is insanely difficult. However, pretending that everything is fine is incredibly easy.

It seems insane- isn't opening up about your problems the only way to get the emotional help you need? Yes, that's true, but sometimes it can be hard to realize that, especially for Sapphire. Think back to finding the area of your bedroom: Presented with a very easy option and a very hard option, unless you're working with a game or something that is more fun if it challenges you, you will choose the easy option.

Ruby, on the other hand, is too honest. She doesn't have the social skills nesecary to understand that she is making a fool of herself wearing her heart on her sleeve like she does, and so she has no filter and makes no attempt to hide how she feels. It might not always be the best solution, and it certainly doesn't mix well with the way Sapphire is so open about her love for Ruby, if you would remember the baseball incident, but it's definitely healthier than Sapphire's method.

But Garnet is nothing like Ruby. She's more impulsive than Sapphire, but she emotes just as little, and she talks about how she feels just as little. She's a faker. She's an illusion. The gems that you know as Garnet and Sapphire? Illusions. Forget everything you think you know about them. They're very good at keeping secrets.

Pearl? Pearl is more complicated. She's inconsistent. How can I explain this...You see, many of you humans have said that fusion is the gem version of your reproductive method. I disagree. In some cases, of course, it is intimate and romantic, and could be considered sexual. But fusion is the emobodiment of a relationship- it's how the components act around each other.

That last part is important. How they act around each other. Opal isn't a fusion of Amethyst and Pearl; she's a fusion of the way Amethyst acts around Pearl, and the way Pearl acts around Amethyst. Because you act differently around different people.

Normally it's just a matter of how much self-control you demonstrate- for example, most children act differently around adults by showing self-control and not swearing so that they won't get in trouble, while most adults at differently around children by showing self-control and not swearing so they won't influence the child.

Your owner- that is to say, your boss- only knows a little bit of you, the part of you that you believe you can show him without risking being fired. Your close friends, on the other hand, know almost all of you, because you don't need to exercise self-control so they won't judge you.

But Pearl? She takes it to a whole new level. She can be anyone depending on who you ask. To Steven, she's motherly and nuturing; to Rose, she was childish and needed nurturing. To Amethyst, she is strict and bossy; to Garnet, she is submissive. To Sapphire, she is unobservant and oblivious; to Ruby, she is wise and intelligent. To Peridot, she is weak yet kind; to Lapis, she is kind yet still terrifying in a way. To Sugilite she is meek and unsure; to Connie and Stevonnie, she is self-confident and tactful. To Bismuth she is strong and sure of herself; to Sheena, that attractive pink-haired human girl, she is shy and awkward.

But one change is obvious. To Amethyst, Steven, Ruby, Peridot, Sapphire, Connie and most other humans- in other words, anyone she considers 'weaker' than her- she is strong and protective. To Garnet, Lapis, Rose, Stevonnie, Smoky, and any gems that rank higher than her in fighting ability- in other words, anyone she considers 'stronger' than her- she is weak and needs protecting.

Don't ask, I already know what you're thinking: _Which one's the real Pearl?_ The answer is confusing yet simple: All of them and none of them. None of them are truly 'fake'; all of them are a part of her, and have the potential to be the real Pearl. Yet none of them can be truly 'real', because even among her closest friends, she doesn't default to one persona, she still keep switching depending on who she's with.

The real truth? Pearl is whoever she needs to be. When she needs to protect Amethyst from a corrupted gem monster, she is strong; when she needs to raise Rose's half-human child, she is motherly; and when she doesn't need to be anything, she allows herself to be selfish.

I use the term 'selfish' lightly; sure, some of her actions have been legitimately selfish, such as tricking Garnet into fusing with her and fusing with Rose to rub her gem abilities in Greg's face, but more often than not, Pearl's 'selfish moments' are just her finally opening up about her feelings and allowing Rose or Garnet to hug her and tell her it's all going to be fine.

So, yes, I guess you could say that Pearl at her weaker moments, as she cries over the loss of Rose or her many problems from the war, is the real Pearl. But the 'strong' Pearl- the one that risks everything to defend those she loves- is also real. 'Strong' Pearl is what Pearl has the potential to be. 'Strong' Pearl is what Pearl would be if she had higher self-esteem.

And me? Well, of course, this isn't the real me. This is my showbiz persona, aha! But...the real me? I've spent so long pretending to be an actress and a comedian for an audience that doesn't exist that I don't even know who the 'real' me is. I guess it must be the showbiz me, since that's the 'me' I enjoy being and can be without feeling like a liar. Perhaps my answer would be different if Garnet and Pearl fused more often; but that is simply impossible. Even if Garnet was able to recover enough from the communication tower incident to feel comfortable fusing with Pearl (unlikely; Pearl, Amethyst and Steven had to lure her with a special interest so you could interview me today), I am simply not a practical fusion. I have four arms and I'm almost as big as a Diamond. I would cause public outcry among humans and struggle to move around due to my size.

Don't be sad. Don't you get it? You humans have autism too. Autistic people- and gems- have to put on a show for others. The 'real' them isn't socially acceptable. You might think that that's insane and the world must be horrible, but think about it: Is it socially acceptable to ramble on about a certain topic even though you know the other person's not interested, but not even pretend to pay attention when they talk to you?

No? Okay, what if you don't have any idea they're not interested, and you're listening perfectly well when they talk to you, you're just not making eye contact? Is that socially accaptable? But how will the other person know which one it is? The world isn't built for autism. If you're autistic, then you have to make a decision. One choice is to be yourself, and be labeled as 'low functioning' and treated as more of an object or an animal than a real person.

Or you can invent a persona that isn't the real you and be 'high functioning'. And sometimes you don't have a choice. When the fate of yourself and your friends is on your shoulders, you have to be strong enough, even if you don't think you can be. Here, allow me to let you in on a little secret:

_Ruby is high-functioning because she has no other choice._

_Sapphire is high-functioning because she is too smart to be accepted as anything else._

_Garnet is high-functioning because the world forces her to be._

_Pearl is high-functioning because she forces herself to be._

 

 

**_I am high functioning because I need to be._ **


End file.
